SHOCKER: Andrew Shirvell hosts a NAZI Space Alien Party

It's 9pm and I'm hearing noises outside Andrew Shirvell's home. It sounds like some sort of phaser blasts or something. There is also a ton of flashing light coming from his living room window which leads me to believe that he is throwing some sort of inter-galactic bash for all the undercover space aliens in the region.

I haven't been able to peak past his window blinds but I imagine the party looks something like this:



It was clear from day one that when Andrew Shirvell touched down on earth that he was bent on taking over humanity by slipping brain controlling slugs into our ears when we sleep. He's gotten to the neighborhood boys who play with those Japanese (alien) video game machines non-stop, constantly sending information to the Mothership so they can plan their attack. Lucky for me I've been wearing ear-muffs since April and Shirvell's brain slugs (aka Ragnols -- I believe that's what they are called) have yet to penetrate my skull.

It is however, surprising to me that Shirvell could be so careless as to host this space alien party in broad night light where everyone hiding in his bushes could see. Perhaps he's getting careless, or perhaps he is so confident in his plan to Ragnol everyone that he is comfortable broadcasting to the world that "YES, I AM HERE. I ANDREW SHIRVELL AM A NAZI SPACE ALIEN AND I WILL PUT MY SLUG IN YOUR EARS!"

REALITY CHECK: Andrew Shirvell is a SPACE ALIEN!

I was taking a nap in the bushes outside of Andrew Shirvell's residence (it's my God-given-America right to nap/protest anywhere I want), when Andrew "Space Alien in disguise" Shirvell, came skipping along the sidewalk. In his right hand, a strange silver outfit, which was not doubt his inter-galactic extra skin that allows him to survive in sub-zero temperatures.

"Aha!" I said, as I leapt from my protest nest. "You can't hide your space alien agenda anymore, you slimy space monster.

"I'm not a space alien at all. I'm just a normal patriot, who just purchased my Halloween costume early this year," he replied.

It was at that point Andrew retreated into his home after assuring me that "Halloween" was a real holiday, and that he just purchased his costume from "Party City" down the block. Yeah, right. Like there's a city in these United States under that name. More like "Space Alien Mothership," you grimy son of a lizard.